One Week at the Institute: Mutant Antics
by Nighty929
Summary: A collection of the little things in Mutant life. It's a bit of a break from all the drama of everything else I've written.
1. Evolution

Hey everyone, a break from the drama for some fun times at the institute. I originally wrote these in a notebook as comic strips, but I want to share.

I call it "One Week At the Institute: Mutant Antics."

………………….

(Scott walks into the kitchen, sees Kurt sitting on the floor with his tail embedded in the wall via phasing.)

Scott: How long have you been stuck here?

Kurt: A little more than three hours.

(Scott gets a sandwich from the fridge and leaves.)

Kurt: Thanks for all the help!!

…………………………..

(Kurt, Scott, Jean, Evan, and Rogue are seated at the dinner table, staring at the food, while Kitty stands over them)

Evan: Who… who COOKED this?

Kitty: I did! The Professor said in order to improve my concentration, I have to cook more often. (Leaves)

Kurt: OOOkay, I'm pretty sure this is his cover-up for forgetting to send us to survival camp this year.

Jean: Me, too.

……………………….

Scott: (Walks into office) Hey, prof.?

Professor: Yes?

Scott: Uh, my car…

Prof: Yes, we're on it.

Scott: Okay. (starts to leave)

Prof: Wait, Scott. For next time, do you want to go for a blue, or stick with the red?

………………………………….

(Kurt and Rogue in Xavier's office)

Kurt: You're getting Scott a new car?!

Rogue: That IS unfair, Professor. You don't buy US cars.

Kurt: Yeah, and how come we have to CLEAN his car?

Rogue: And what's the deal with—

Prof: You will leave and continue cleaning Scott's car.

(They leave, mind wiped. Professor Xavier winks.)

…………………………………….

(The X-Men save Kurt storm through the kitchen while a strange boy eats at the table.)

Jean: Where IS that good-for-nothing fuzzy creep?!

Kitty: I don't know, but we totally gotta find him.

Evan: Yeah, he is so going down this time. He's gunna PAY.

(When they exit the opposite door, the strange boy looks exasperated as he turns off the image inducer.)

Kurt: I thought I got rid of the mobs when I left Germany.

………………………………………

(Scott and Rogue search for Kurt in the garage.)

Rogue: Man, where IS he?

Scott: Not in here. Come on, let's go.

(They leave. Kurt's head pops up; he's in the passenger seat of Scott's car.)

Kurt: Sometimes, I really love Scott.

…………………….

(They are all still looking for Kurt.)

Professor: (telepathically) OH for God's sake, children, he's in here, hiding under my desk.

…………………………

(They get to the office door when the "Professor" walks out. Walks.)

'Prof': He went THAT way! (Points down stairs. They all run down the stairs.)

'Prof': (Turns off image inducer. It's Kurt.) Wow, I didn't think they were that stupid.

………………………

("Magneto" knocks on the front door. The door opens and the Professor looks out.)

"Mags": Cookies?

Prof: (narrowed eyes) Very funny, Kurt.

………………………….

(Kitty is walking by the front window. Kurt's face is pressed against it.)

Kitty: We're not letting you in. Oh, and the honor of making your dinner is all mine, Smarty-Pants. (leaves)

Kurt: (howling) Isn't locking me out here ENOUGH?!

………………………………

(Pietro knocks on the front door and Kurt answers it.)

Kurt: What are YOU doing here?!  
Pietro: What are YOU doing here?!

Kurt: I LIVE here!

Pietro: I LIVE here!

Kurt: No you don't!

Pietro: No you don't!

Kurt: Cut it out!

Pietro: Cut it out! Hee hee hee (runs off)

Kurt: Yeesh.

…………………………..

Pietro: (runs into Magneto's office.) Guess what, father? I messed with one of the X-Men! And I got on to Institute grounds, UNDETECTED!

Mags: I have a question, oh great Pietro.

Pietro: What's that?

Mags: Would the great Pietro like his bottle warm or cold?

…………………………….

(Magneto knocks on the door. Scott opens it.)

Mags: We're, erm, short on milk. Can we borrow a glass?

Scott: Okay, where are your lackeys to ambush me once I bring the milk out?

Mags: No, really. We actually need milk.

…………………………..

Scott: (walks into kitchen) Magneto is at our front door asking to borrow a glass of milk.

Kurt: BORROW a glass of milk? What's he gonna do? Give it BACK?

Scott: You are SO missing the point here.

……………………………

Townsperson: Aaaaa, help. A monster is attacking Bayville. (Knocks on the front door) Please. Help us. Aaaaaa.

Kurt: Opens a window on the second floor and looks down at him.) Then SHOOT it already! God! You don't need OUR help! (slams the window shut)

…………………………

Townsperson: Mutants are great. Ra, ra, ra. NOW will you help the town?

Rogue: (out the same window) You're not getting ANYONE'S attention, pal.

……………………………………

Townsperson: Yipee for mutants. Hooray. Three cheers.

Kitty: (From the same window) GO AWAY!!!

…………………………….

Townsperson: The monster is still attacking Bayville.

Prof: (From the same window) Listen, the children are taking a math test. Please come back later.

Townsperson: But the monster is attacking…

Prof: I—

Kurt: (Shouting from inside) Just SHOOT it! I can't concentrate with all the explosions!

………………………………

(Students sitting at the table)

Evan: (Reading from newspaper) "Bayville destroyed. Mutants are evil monsters that won't save us."

Kurt: Well, damned if we do and damned if we don't. Jeeze.

………………………………..

Jean: Look at this. (passes Scott the newspaper)

Scott: (reading) "Garage sale next week. Mutants are evil monsters." Wow, that has nothing to do with us!

Jean: I KNOW!

………………………………………..

(Kurt running into the kitchen, eyes wide and newspaper in hand.)

Kurt: Price for burgers went up three cents!

Evan: Wow. Anything else?

Kurt: Well, yeah, later in the same article, they blame US for it. But three cents, come on!!

……………………………..

(Kitty and Lance are on the phone)

Lance: What can I do to make you go out with me? I've tried everything! Please, Kitty, tell me what you want!

Kitty: Well… I've always loved guys who could… TAP DANCE… (hangs up, turns to Kurt.) This is gunna be fun!

Kurt: Oh yeah.

……………………………

(Pietro eating a sandwich walks into the kitchen to see Lance tap dancing.)

Pietro: What… uh, what are you doing?

Lance: Winning a girl's heart. Leave me alone.

Pietro: This is why I swore off women.

………………………………

(On the phone)

Lance: Okay, I learned to tap dance. What else?

Kitty: I've always loved guys who were brave enough to do three laps in the mall… in their PAJAMAS. (Hangs up, gives Kurt a high five)

Kurt: Good one!

…………………………….

(At the mall, Tabitha, Pietro and Todd are sitting on a bench laughing and talking when Lance runs by in boxer shorts and a T-shirt.)

Pietro: Ummm…. What's he doing?

Tabitha: I don't know, but that just made my day.

Todd: What's the matter with you guys? He's obviously in love!

…………………………….

(In the phone)

Kitty: Okay, Lance, one final test. At the football game tonight, I want you to bring a microphone and shout your love for me to the whole school!

Lance: WHAT?! No way!!

Kitty: Ahem…

Lance: Grrrr… fine, but this is it, got that?

Kitty: Okey dokey! (hangs up)

Kurt: Woah. This just got serious, didn't it?

Kitty: If he loves me…

……………………………..

(At the football game)

Lance: Attention, everyone, I have an announcement. Um…

Kurt: Oh my God.

Lance: I… um…

Kitty: He's gunna do it.

Lance: I…

Kurt: That idiot's actually gunna do it.

Kitty: (hearts for eyes) He loves me! He really loves me! Professor, could you tell him he doesn't have to do it…?

Lance: I am in love with Kitty Pryde!

Prof: Whoops.

Kitty: PROFESSOR!

Prof: He was stupid enough to go along with it in the first place…

Kurt: Got that right.

……………………………

(At Lance's locker)

Kitty: Um, Lance?

Lance: WHAT?! You ruined my rep, you stomped on my pride, and you tore my manliness to shreds! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

Kitty: Kitty: Wanna go to the movies on Saturday?

Lance. Sure.

……………………………

Kurt: I'm FAMISHED!

Kitty: Here, have a cookie.

Kurt: Thanks! (Takes a bite, pauses, and gapes as his teeth fall out.) …

Kitty: Okay, too much brown sugar. Got it.

………………………….

Kitty: (startled by Kurt) EW!

Kurt: "Ew"? That's what you say? Not "hello", or, "nice to see you"? You say "ew"?

Kitty:… EW!

…………………………..

Okay, that's all I have so far. Tell me what you think. If I get good reviews I might do a Mission X version.


	2. Mission X

_One Week with Mission X. Please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times._

**By order of Charles Xavier, this is a list of rules never to be broken at the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters, by resident or by visitor, and they will be enforced by the members of my staff. Please do not force me to exact extreme measures. The consequences will be dire and may include cleaning the Blackbird.**

**1. Never under any circumstances is Aaron allowed to have a boombox again. EVER.**

_Aaron: Hwaaaa?_

_Steven: Oh thank thee Lord._

_Aaron: What the Hell man? The first rule is about me? That's not right._

**2. The rules in this house apply to visitors as well. That means you Michael.**

_Mike: How do you know I come here?_

_Alaina: I hate my life._

_Tara: Aww, sweetie, don't say that. _

_Alaina: Shut up Tara. You don't have a telepath for a dad. I can't do ANYTHING fun._

**3. Stinkbombs are now forbidden in the house.**

_Aaron: Ooooo, what about OUTSIDE the house? _

_Tyler: Like on the porch?_

_Catty: I'm supposed to write here that stinkbombs aren't allowed on the porch or anywhere on the grounds._

_Steven: Awwwww!_

_Tyler: Don't worry, man. We will find a way._

**4. The sugar cabinet is now off-limits to Kish. If anyone sees him with sugar send him to me immediately. That is an order.**

_Kish: Okay, listen, I TOLD you guys that it was an accident._

_Sara: You ACCIDENTALLY placed a snowboard at the top of the stairs and ACCIDENTALLY sat on it and ACCIDENTALLY slid down and slammed into me and broke my arm?_

_Kish: The accident was that I thought that was a good idea._

_Dominique: Demure._

**5. Tara, if you are going to absorb power in the morning, try not to absorb it from the cerebro mainframe.**

_Tyler: Yeah, you caused a total blackout for three hours. I lost three hours of work._

_Aaron: Tara's been acting kinda funny though._

_Tara: I see dead people._

**6. Kish is no longer permitted to have accidents.**

_Aaron+Steven+Tyler: THANK you!_

_Kish: How the cheese am I supposed to do that? _

_Ben: Dying usually works._

_Kish: I am accident prone, okay?! I WARNED you!!_

**7. Stop calling Alaina "The Amazing Walking Zoo."**

_Alaina: Yeah, I'm not a zoo and you guys know it._

_Aaron: Fwahahah, dude, yes you are._

_Alaina: 'Teen loses way in woods. Killed in grizzly attack. No body found...'_

_Aaron: Prof, she's threatening me again!_

_Xavier: 'House burned to the ground while owner is on vacation in Hawaii. No survivors found...'_

**8. Please stop hiding Ben's glasses. It's not nice.**

_Tyler: He's a magnetic mutant! He has no problem finding them!_

_Aaron: Yeah, and his face is priceless. He doesn't get mad._

_Ben: Yeah. I'm more of the 'get even' type._

_Aaron+Tyler: ..._

**9. Tara Pryde is not a TV antennae. Stop using her as such.**

_Tara: Yeah guys. It stopped being funny a long time ago._

_Kish: But Tara! You get HBO!!_

**10. Whoever keeps sneaking Snickers bars in to Kish, please cease.**

_Kish: Darn._

_Dominique: Sorry petite. _

**11. The house is off-limits to visitors between the hours of ten PM and seven AM. Period.**

_Alaina: The fact that the only visitors that come here that late are my friends makes is so much worse._

_Tara: You and Becka make A LOT of noise._

**12. The X-Box is not to be touched between the hours of ten PM and seven AM. Period.**

_Sara: Don't worry guys. You can still play._

_Aaron: Hwa? How?_

_Sara: I don't HAVE to touch it. I'm a telekinetic._

_Tyler: OOOOOOhhhh._

**13. The X-Box is not to be turned on between the hours of ten PM and seven AM. This is your last warning.**

_Sara: Damn. _

**14. Stop throwing Dominique's CDs into the Danger Room and activating Logan's Run 13.**

_Dominique: I hate you all._

_Aaron: I CAN'T LISTEN TO AVRIL ANYMORE!!_

_Kish: Shut the Hell up, Aaron. _

_Aaron: You're next, Weezer boy._

**15. I know it fits, but stop putting buckets on Kish's head. He is highly sensitive. **

_Aaron: 'The son becomes the father, and the father becomes the son...'_

_Kish: WHAT DID I SAY?? I SAID SHUT UP!!  
_

_Dominique: Congratulations, Williams. I think you actually made him mad._

_Kish: KILL YOU!!_

**16. I can't believe I have to tell teenagers to stop having obnoxious slumber parties in the living room.**

_Alaina: But it is SOOOO much fun._

_Sara: I know!!_

_Tara: Come on, Dom, the next one is on Friday._

_Dominique: NO._

_Catty: Slumber party canceled, guys, I have recently discovered that the boys have a unique opinion as to what we do at those things._

_Aaron: What, you DON'T have pillow fights in your underwear??_

**17. For the last time, stop writing comments on this sheet.**

_Kish: Oooo, look. I am writing a comment on this sheet._

_Dominique: Stupide._

**18. KISH IS NOT ALLOWED TO OWN OR INGEST SUGAR OF ANY KIND.**

_Kish: This is so unfair. _

_Aaron: Should have thought of that before you moved in, Maggie Junior._

_Kish: Alright, that is IT. I've HAD it with the Magneto jokes!_

_Aaron: Dude, calm down. I was just kidding._

**19. Whoever let the raccoon in the house, it is your job to find it and put it outside.**

_Alaina: But daddy, it's just a baby._

_Tyler: GET IT OUT OF MY WORKPLACE NOW!!_

**20. It is expressly forbidden to sing or otherwise play "Who Let the Dogs Out" when Dr. McCoy and/or Logan enter the room.**

_Aaron: Whyy??_

_Steven: It's so descriptive._

_Kish: And the faces we get! OOOOOO!!_

_Aaron: Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's mastercard._

_Kish: WTF?_

**21. Buttons are off limits.**

_Kish: Oookay, maybe it was dumb to press that one._

_Aaron: It SAID do not push in big bold letters._

_Kish: I didn't want to live my life not knowing, okay??_


	3. NeXt Gen

NeXt Gen

**By order of Doctor Henry "Hank" McCoy, MD, these are things never, EVER to do in the institute infirmary. As these things are done, the students themselves will apply the rule here on this sheet. The manner of which they write it is entirely their own business. Thank you. -Dr. McCoy**

_Johnny_: Woo hoo, look, I'm the first one here. Okaaaay, a few things never to do in the infirmary. NEVER RUN AT SUPER SPEED, for one. God, you never know when to stop moving, because there are sharp things everywhere and all that... oh, and of course, no eating junk food in front of Hank. MAN will he lecture you about disease. Oh yeah, and if you are going to be sick, be sick away from the house so you can go to a normal hospital. Otherwise, mom and dad will laugh at you. OH YEAH, I wouldn't be saying the following, WOULD I? 5#& &(& &)&#(()( ha ha.

_Jean: _That still counts, sweetie. Oh, and I moved the swear jar to the kitchen.

* * *

_Chloe: _Lessee, ummmmm, I would say never leave care bear dolls in the infirmary. See, Dr. McCoy is always looking for guinea pigs. Oh, that would mean never leave a guinea pigs there either. Oh yeah, and also, there are like SOOO many sharp needles in there. Don't sit on 'em.

* * *

_Eevee_: Never expect a fire to be contained. Seriously. When someone tells you that it is perfectly safe to light yourself on fire, DON'T DO IT. I'm warning you.

* * *

_Jonah_: NEVER BE IN THE SAME PLACE AS JOHNNY. This ain't just for the infirmary, guys. This is for everywhere you go. If Johnny is there, leave as quickly as possible. I've noticed that bad things just seem to HAPPEN around that guy. It's like a curse or something. So stay away from him.

Also, never bring a gun into the infirmary. The Doc'll freak.

* * *

_Raven:_ Never go to the infirmary.

* * *

_Twitch:_ Like, never singe your tail. Oh, and if someone does manage to slam your tail into a door or you close it in a refrigerator, don't tell anyone. Because putting the little bones back in place hurts. Never use a frying pan when you have furry hands, and also, never put your super-sensitive ear against a boom box and turn it all the way up. Just a few suggestions...

* * *

_Nico:_ I would just avoid this house altogether. These people are bloody lunatics. Everyone is so uptight all the time, you would think that people were on fire and someone just died. So just stay away from the institute. I myself am on my way to pack.

Wait, I can't leave. Lory's here. Huh. See, I just bumped into her in the hall, and I had all my bags and she just gave me the look, and... I am putting WAY too much information here.

* * *

_Lorelai: _Don't eat the broccoli. It's evil. And don't say "fart", "stink", or "death trap anonymous" in front of Johnny. He will get defensive.

* * *

_Jasmine:_ I hate this house. And everyone in it. I am seriously considering killing you all.

* * *

_Alexis:_ Ummmm, is anyone going to look at what Jasmine wrote? Because I don't think she's kidding in the least...

* * *

_Ben: _This is ridiculous. Why in the name of God are we participating in such a lame form of recreation?

_Johnny: _Dude, I don't know what half of those words even MEAN.

_Ben_: Morons. I live in a house with morons.


End file.
